I remember when I first discovered Next to Normal. I was 15 years old, watching the 2009 Tony Awards. The broadcast had a lot of mic issues that year, so the sound kept cutting in and out. Despite the noise (or lack there of), there was this one performance that came out of nowhere and completely floored me: a gritty, rock breakdown/fight set in a glass-and-steel, dollhouse-looking set, featuring an incredibly handsome young man, Aaron Tveit. The performance was electric. I was hooked.

Next to Normal quickly rose to the top of teenage me’s list of favourite musicals, alongside Les Mis, Rent and Urinetown. It was emotional and edgy, featured an over-achieving teen who wanted to go to Yale, and its poster colour was purple, which is a great colour. I went on to see the show on Broadway, on the National Tour, and a third time in a sit-down Toronto production.

Then I became a mother. And, well, everything has changed.

N2N (as the youth stylize it) tells the story of a suburban family where everything seems somewhat normal at first. There’s Natalie, the angsty teen finding herself and discovering love for the first time with her new boyfriend, stoner Henry; Gabe, the older brother getting up to unknown shenanigans; Dan, the adoring father trying to hold everything together; and Diana, the manic-depressive-bipolar-with-delusional-episodes mom. Light premise, I know.

The show is about family, navigating grief, and mental health. While N2N tackles heavy topics, I don’t remember it being as continually dark and depressing as the performance I saw last night (produced by Toronto Indy theatre company, Bowtie Productions). She’s a sad one. Light spoilers ahead, so if the premise sounds compelling, stop reading here. You can catch this show until June 6.

As I discovered last night, parenthood has made me particularly sensitive toward content involving child loss (a topic that N2N tackles). What was once an abstract concept to a teenager is now a parent’s biggest fear. In a way, consuming this sort of material is like reliving the trauma of my son’s very dramatic entrance into the world (NICU nurses are godsends). And, as I learned last night, it’s not an experience I particularly enjoy.

Nonetheless, I’ll highlight some aspects of this production that work very well. The lighting design is highly effective – rock meets minimalism, with colour changes and pulses tied to musical and emotional cues (lighting design by Niall Durcan). The stage layout is clever – mostly elevated, which is useful from a siteline perspective in the Native Earth Aki Studio space (scenic design by Anthony Goncharov). The actors made good use of the space, so the little that was built is put to good use (direction also by Goncharov). Finally, the costumes feel deliberate and clearly convey information about the characters without being too cartoony (costume design by Emily Anne Corcoran).

In terms of performances, Aveleigh Keller as teenage Natalie is a standout. Her voice perfectly suits the style of the show – pop/rock with musical theatre clarity – and her acting is believable. Her budding romance with Henry (Samel Sunil) is a sweet, much needed break from the rest of the play’s intensity.

I’ve always been inspired with Bowtie’s ambition and entrepreneurship. The team behind the production is impressive, and I have a great deal of respect for people who make their own luck, so to speak. I’ve really enjoyed previous musicals by Bowtie – Falsettos and tick, tick…BOOM!, to name two.

As much as I admire the team behind the show, I must admit that this one feels less polished than previous productions. There were a few opening night kinks that will likely be ironed out, and my (previously unknown) sensitivity to the plot certainly didn’t help with my engagement to the material. It’s interesting to see how perspectives shift over time. I still think Next to Normal is a beautifully crafted show, but maybe I should wait a few years before revisiting it again.

I look forward to continuing to see Bowtie productions. They’ve got a new musical (!!) called Grey Spaces premiering at Toronto Fringe in the summer, and they’re moving to the much larger Factory Theatre for Pippin in the fall. Very exciting stuff coming up…none of which (to my knowledge) involves dead babies, which is always a plus in my books.

Photo credit: (L to R) Samel Sunil, Aveleigh Keller, April Rebecca, Taylor Long, Christopher Lyon and Mich Anger in Next to Normal, by Valentina Caballero.