We have about a week to go until Tony nominations are announced, so to quench my thirst for providing sassy commentary, I’m going to give you my take on the recently announced Drama League Award nominations…but only the fun categories, because life is too short. The Drama League Awards cover Broadway and Off-Broadway shows, which makes things a bit spicier, and the lists of nominees painfully long. Here are my thoughts:

BEST PLAY:

• The Antiquities
• Becoming Eve
• English
• Good Bones
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Here There Are Blueberries
• John Proctor is the Villain
• Liberation
• Oh, Mary!
• The Picture of Dorian Gray
• Purpose
• Stranger Things: The First Shadow
• Walden

Thoughts: Where’s my beloved Grangeville? Sad. Becoming Eve wasn’t my fave, but I saw a workshop performance, so I’m not sure what its current iteration looks like. I saw a filmed performance of Here There Are Blueberries, and it was exceptional. Hoping for a sleeper win.

BEST REVIVAL:

• The Cherry Orchard
• Eureka Day
• Ghosts
• Glengarry Glen Ross
• Home
• Othello
• Romeo + Juliet
• A Streetcar Named Desire
• Vanya
• Wine in the Wilderness
• Yellow Face

Thoughts: Sort of hoping for an Othello win for the LOLs. Namely, I think it would be a great celebration of capitalism to award this impressively overpriced production with this designation.

BEST MUSICAL:

• BOOP!
• Bueva Vista Social Club
• Dead Outlaw
• Death Becomes Her
• Drag: The Musical
• Just in Time
• Macbeth in Stride
• Maybe Happy Ending
• Operation Mincemeat
• Real Women Have Curves
• Smash
• Stephen Sondheim’s Old Friends

Thoughts: Notable omissions are Idina Menzel’s Redwood and Swept Away. Interesting that Stephen Sondheim’s Old Friends was included, since it’s a musical revue. My vote is for Maybe Happy Ending.

BEST MUSICAL REVIVAL:

• Cats: The Jellicle Ball
• Floyd Collins
• Gypsy
• The Last Five Years (lol)
• Once Upon a Mattress
• The Marriage of Figaro
• Pirates! The Penzance Musical
• Sunset Blvd
• Urinetown

Thoughts: I love Urinetown, partially because it’s the only Broadway musical to come out of my alma mater, UChicago. I haven’t seen any of these productions, though…

DISTINGUISHED PERFORMANCE:

So there are 51 (!!) nominees this year, and 9 “acknowledgments”. Men/women/non-binary folks are all grouped together, and once you’ve won this award, you can’t win it again (thus the list of almost-nominees). I’ll list the nominees alphabetically, and then we’ll chat:

• Tala Ashe, English
• Brooks Ashmanskas, Smash
• Stori Ayers, Home
• Natalie Venetia Belcon, Buena Vista Social Club
• George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck
• Kit Connor, Romeo+Juliet
• Tatianna Córdoba, Real Women Have Curves
• Darren Criss, Maybe Happy Ending
• Kieran Culkin, Glengarry Glen Ross
• André De Shields, Cats: The Jellicle Ball
• Tommy Dorfman, Becoming Eve
• Robert Downey, Jr., McNeal
• Adam Driver, Hold On To Me Darling
• Andrew Durand, Dead Outlaw
• Cole Escola, Oh, Mary!
• Mia Farrow, The Roommate
• Tom Francis, Sunset Blvd.
• Amber Gray, Eureka Day
• David Greenspan, I’m Assuming You Know David Greenspan
• Jonathan Groff, Just In Time
• Jake Gyllenhaal, Othello
• Ryan J. Haddad, Hold Me In The Water
• Megan Hilty, Death Becomes Her
• Robyn Hurder, Smash
• LaTanya Richardson Jackson, Purpose
• Nick Jonas, The Last Five Years
• Ramin Karimloo, Pirates! The Penzance Musical
• Gracie Lawrence, Just In Time
• Beth Leavel, Stephen Sondheim’s Old Friends
• Justina Machado, Real Women Have Curves
• Jak Malone, Operation Mincemeat
• Louis McCartney, Stranger Things: The First Shadow
• Idina Menzel, Redwood
• Paul Mescal, A Streetcar Named Desire
• Jinkx Monsoon, Pirates! The Penzance Musical
• Marjan Neshat, English
• Sandra Oh, The Welkin
• Lily Rabe, Ghosts
• Jasmine Amy Rogers, Boop! The Musical
• Lea Salonga, Stephen Sondheim’s Old Friends
• Nicole Scherzinger, Sunset Blvd.
• Andrew Scott, Vanya
• Helen J. Shen, Maybe Happy Ending
• Jennifer Simard, Death Becomes Her
• Sarah Snook, The Picture of Dorian Gray
• Ephraim Sykes, Our Town
• Alaska Thunderfuck, Drag: The Musical
• Adrienne Warren, The Last Five Years
• Denzel Washington, Othello
• Joy Woods, Gypsy
• Kara Young, Purpose and Table 17

“Acknowledgments”:

• Annaleigh Ashford, All In
• Danny Burstein, Gyspy
• Norbert Leo Butz, Vladimir
• Sutton Foster, Once Upon a Mattress
• Neil Patrick Harris, Shit. Meet. Fan.
• Patti LuPone, The Roommate
• Audra McDonald, Gypsy
• Lin-Manuel Miranda, All In
• Bernadette Peters, Stephen Sondheim: Old Friends

Thoughts: It’s like the nominators thought to themselves, “let’s make this list as long as we can to bury the fact that Nick Jonas is nominated.” Everyone and the kitchen sink has been added to this list, except for Jeremy Jordan (Floyd Collins) and Paul Sparks and Brian J. Smith from Grangeville, who were, as previously mentioned, brilliant. I don’t love a long list of names that doesn’t really allow anyone to shine. The presenters are going to spend – what? 10 minutes? – reading this list of names (sort of like an in-memoriam style segment). And when they finally announce the winner, they may as well make up any old name, since you will have already forgotten who was nominated.

I also don’t like the idea that once you’ve won once, you can never win again. Excellence is excellence. But, alas, it’s not my awards ceremony. Their game, their rules.

I’m curious to hear your thoughts in the comments. Let me know if you’ve seen any of the shows, or if you have a second cousin twice removed that should be included in the Distinguished Performance category. If you ask nicely or send a check, maybe they’ll throw ya a nod.